It's been five years since I wrote the feature for Outside magazine, called "In a House by the River," about the death of my stepfather at a remote kayaking lodge in northern California some 16 years prior to that. Writing that story was a painful process and I've tried to put it all behind me in the many years that have passed since, but occasionally, my stepdad, Jerry, and the whole saga rises to the top of my mind, like a scar that just won't heal. For those who missed it, here is my story in Outside and the podcast that I created -- posted above -- from my interview with JD, the man who killed my stepdad. Sometimes, life requires taking a hard look at the past in order to make that step into the future.